How to Approach Your Child If You Suspect an Eating Disorder

As a parent, seeing your child struggle with an eating disorder can be extremely difficult.   Whether you are at the early stages of wondering if your child might be struggling with their relationship with food, or if you are already in the process of receiving treatment for an eating disorder, there will be many questions and challenges along the way.   Eating disorders are not just about food - they can deeply affect your child’s emotions, their perception of themselves and their everyday life, from social relationships to engagement with school and hobbies. This means that it often feels like life gets turned on its head when your child has an eating disorder.  It’s natural to feel worried or helpless, but it's also important to know that you are not alone - there is a lot of support and guidance available to you.  If you are the parent of a child with an eating disorder it is important to seek support - both for yourself and for your child.    

Navigating a conversation with your child about their eating disorder can feel overwhelming. You may worry about saying the wrong thing or making the situation worse, but starting an open, supportive dialogue is a crucial step toward helping them recover.  In this guide we provide some practical advice on how to approach this sensitive topic in a way that fosters understanding, trust, and healing.

1. Educate Yourself First

Before initiating the conversation, take time to learn about eating disorders. Understanding the different types, such as anorexia, bulimia, or binge-eating disorder, and their physical and emotional effects can help you approach the discussion with empathy and clarity. The more informed you are, the better equipped you’ll be to provide the support your child needs.

2. Choose the Right Time and Place

Timing is everything. Pick a quiet, safe setting where you won’t be interrupted. Avoid discussing the issue during mealtimes, as this can heighten anxiety or defensiveness. Ensure you’re both in a calm state of mind and have enough time to talk without feeling rushed.

3. Express Concern, Not Blame

Begin the conversation by sharing your observations in a nonjudgmental way. Focus on specific behaviors rather than making generalizations or accusations. For example, you could say, “I’ve noticed that you’ve been skipping meals and seem more withdrawn lately, and I’m really worried about you.” This approach shows care and concern rather than placing blame.

4. Listen Without Judgment

Give your child the space to share their thoughts and feelings without interruption. Avoid minimising their struggles or offering immediate solutions. Instead, validate their emotions by saying things like, “That sounds really difficult” or “I’m here to support you.” Active listening helps your child feel heard and understood.

5. Avoid Focusing Solely on Food and Weight

Eating disorders are about more than just food or body image; they often stem from underlying emotional or psychological issues. Rather than fixating on what or how much your child is eating, try to explore how they’re feeling and what might be contributing to their distress. For example saying ‘I've noticed you seem quite anxious at dinner time’, rather than ‘You’re looking skinny’. This can help shift the focus from symptoms and appearance, to root causes and emotions. 

6. Offer Your Support and Use Supportive Language Consistently

Focus on understanding what your child needs. Remind them that you are there to support them and are keen to help them in whatever way you can.  Focus on offering support consistently, not just during an initial conversation.  Even when things are feeling extremely difficult, asking your child what they need or what you can do, can help them feel understood and supported.

7. Encourage Professional Help

While your support is vital, recovery often requires professional intervention. Gently suggest seeking help from a therapist, dietitian, or doctor who specializes in eating disorders. Frame it as a collaborative effort: “I think it could be really helpful for us to talk to someone who understands this and can guide us through it together.”  If your child refuses support let them know that you are going to speak to someone yourself to help you understand better how you might be able to support them.

8. Be Patient and Persistent

Recovery is a journey, and your child may not be ready to open up or seek help right away. That’s okay. Keep showing your love and support without pressuring them. Let them know that you’re there for them whenever they’re ready to talk or take the next step.

9. Take Care of Yourself

Supporting a child with an eating disorder can be emotionally taxing. Don’t hesitate to seek your own support through counselling, support groups, or trusted friends and family. Taking care of your own mental health ensures you’re better equipped to help your child.

10. Celebrate Small Victories

Acknowledging that there is a difficulty may be a gradual process for your child, and every step forward is worth acknowledging. Celebrate small victories, such as your child attending a therapy session or opening up about their feelings. Positive reinforcement can help motivate and encourage continued progress.

Conclusion

Talking to your child about their eating disorder is not easy, but it’s a critical step toward their recovery. Approach the conversation with empathy, patience, and an open mind. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. With the right support and resources, your child can overcome their eating disorder and rebuild a healthy relationship with food, their body, and themselves.

The London Centre for Eating Disorders and Body Image is one of very few private outpatient clinics specialising in the treatment of eating disorders and body image distress. We believe that it’s important to find not only the right clinician but also the right treatment for your child. We pride ourselves on our ability to provide highly specialist, holistic and effective evidence-based treatments for all of our clients.

For more information or to book an appointment with a specialist, visit The London Centre.